I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
