youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My first STD was from a foam party
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
