I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
