Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
