My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
