we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
