Don't make out with my wife yet
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
