There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
