I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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