he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
