She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
