he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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