True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
