Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
