Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
