return my video game
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
