1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
