Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
