You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
