Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
