Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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