i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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