I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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