At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
