Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
