if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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