we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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