This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
