The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
