I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
