I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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