I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
