His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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