I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You made out with two different species that night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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