my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
tell me about the fingering
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
