Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
