So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
