so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
