Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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