Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
