i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
