Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
