I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
