You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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