This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
