we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
