smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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