Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
