there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
