I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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