I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
