I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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