All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
